my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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