on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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