apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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