I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
