Only a mothe r could love this liver
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
