I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
