The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
