The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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