i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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