i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
