I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
