Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
