the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
