guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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