i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
