how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
