so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
