i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
