If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
