I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
