PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
