she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
