my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
