I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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