if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
