Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
