In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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