my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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