Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
