I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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