do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
