this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
