is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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