nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize