my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
