ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
