Hey man sorry I got all grabby
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i've created a new STD.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
