when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
