There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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