it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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