the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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