the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
handjob tips. give me some.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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