And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
