Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
