she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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