My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
