She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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