i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
