i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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