She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
