U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
