I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
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hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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