Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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