I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
