I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
