Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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