shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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