Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
How external is "for external use only"?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
