I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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