fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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