if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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