you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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