I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
