If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
