Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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