i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
