There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Duck Duck Cougar?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
