his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
