did you get engaged???
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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